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Author: Janey
Date: 01-16-04 19:06
Hello all! I used to post here before the board was made so that you have to register and then I just never got around to it, but came here every day. Something happened which is sort of weight related because it is causing me stress and I want to eat, but this isn't what I am seeking advice on here's the story.
I am a freshman in high school and I have plety of friends, good grades, eveything, I'm generally very happy. But somehow I aquired some enemies, most of which I don't know and never spoken to. So yesterday, I was hanging out with my friend at our local "hang-out" spot which is a parking lot, a couple of girls who don't like me were there too. There was also about 10-20 other people. Well the girl came up and threw some medicine or something at me, I ignored it because I know she wanted to provoke me and start a fight because she is generally that kind of person and hates people for no reason. I have never spoken to her or done anything to her, but I hear she just picks on random people because she doesn't like them. So eventually we started to walk away when she trew a notebook at me, I turned around and she started yelling at me, then she punched me in the face. I didn't want to fight back because I knew her friends would want to fight me too, even if I beat her. Plus I am not a violent person and don't want to fight. So she punched me several times in my face and kicked me in the shin, and everyone kept telling me to hit her back but I didn't want to. So finally I pushed her away and walked away. I got some ice and everything and today there was no bruise. On the side note, it surprisingly didn't hurt too much, not like I imagined.
So today the left side of my face was slightly sore but that's all. My dilema is, I don't know what to do. Some people say I should tell on her, I would, but first of all it'd make me a whimp and a tattle tale and people would generally dislike me. My friend suggested that she tell the principle or the counclor so that the girl gets in trouble, but I'm afraid this'll make her madder and she'll want to jump me again, plus, what can the school possibly do to prevent her doing this again? Someone suggested telling if she ever did it again because maybe she got it out of her system and doesn't care anymore, but I am still afraid, I was scared to go hang out with my friends or walk from school because of this. Some people suggested that I fight her back if she ever does this, but first of all I'm not sure I could beat her as I have never fought or hurt anyone before, second of all I'm afraid her friends might want revenge and she has plenty of friends.
I did not tell my parents and said that I got hit in the face with a ball, because I don't know what their reaction would be, I think they would be concerned but wouldn't do anything about it, and for some reason I feel they might even be disappointed that I didn't fight back. I got hell at school for not fighting back, everyone said I should have fought. So I do not know what to do and I am very stressed and scared. If anyone could give any advice on how to handle this I would be very thankful.
Janey
Start Date:1/24/04
160/134.4/120-
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Author: hopefull
Date: 01-16-04 20:09
People like that generally have low self-esteem. Picking or fighting with you makes her look better. Did this happen at school? If so, then I think that you should tell. It may make you look bad or like a whimp, but it's possible that it could help to prevent it again to someone else. Or something worse could happen, and if you don't tell their won't be anything on the records about it ever happening. She needs a record. She should be punished b/c what she did was not right. I will say a prayer for you tonight that things would get better for you. I am a junior in college, and I remember how imature people can be. For me, it's gotten a lot better.
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Author: Janey
Date: 01-16-04 20:38
Yes, but I'm afraid if I get her in trouble she will get even madder and will try to really beat me up and go after me if I try to walk away. She is a bad person she does drugs etc. I do not know what I would do if she comes after me again. Thank you for your advice though.
Janey
Start Date:1/24/04
160/134.4/120-
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Author: Fabulous@50
Date: 01-16-04 21:12
Janey,
So sorry to hear about your bullying problems. I wouldn't suggest not telling any authories about it--even if it is a annonymous phone call or note so they can keep an eye on this girl. They may already have had some previous complaints about her.
I wish I could offer more. Here is a site I found that has some good info about bullies. I pray you find a solution soon.
http://www.shine.com/action_fact_guide.cfm?content_id=bullying
Whatever you do, don't let this girl see you sweat! Confidence scares the hell out of these cowards.
Good luck.
Fabulous@50
225/156/150
Program Start: May 12, 2003
“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand - and melting like a snowflake.”
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Author: GymmyMac
Date: 01-17-04 00:43
i would snot her after school..but i wouldnt listen to me coz that could get u in trouble!..i bet ya feel like it though
~Short, sharp and intense = results~
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Author: NancyB
Date: 01-17-04 08:35
I would call the police. I don't know where you live, but sometimes the police take this kind of thing seriously. I would press assault charges. And please do tell you parents. If what happened to you happened to my daughter I would want to know.
The more these bullies get away with, the more they continue. Next time it'll be someone smaller than you and she might do more damage. In Canada a few years ago a group of high school girls killed a fellow student because she was of a different ethnic background. Girls can be vicious.
NancyB
160-135-135
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Author: Eric
Date: 01-17-04 08:50
If you choose not tell here's a key thing to remember, you said it yourself, and it's something I learned early on:
Surprisingly, getting your ass beat doesn't hurt all that much.
What I've learned is confrontation, even if you get your ass beat, isn't as painful as running from a fight and imagining how bad it's going to be.
When I was in Junior High this gang of guys wanted to beat me up. I knew that once we were all out of Jr. High, they would be going to a different high school and I would likely never see them again.
So I spent an entire school year sweating them out, dodging them, hanging out in the library for God's sake! And the second to the last day of school they got me. There were seven of them and they punched and kicked on me till they got tired of it. And even then, it really wasn't that bad.
I vowed that day I would never run from a fight, and to this day people still think I'm crazy at times because I won't hesitate to fight anyone or any number(and I'm getting way too old for this sort of thing).
Whatever you do, don't avoid this little bitch, just do your regular routine. Maybe if you just show her you aren't afraid, she'll back off. And remember, you know you have no reason to be afraid. You already said it didn't hurt that much
If she confronts you, pretend your bored. She may find this disconcerting, that you aren't afraid.
If she gets in your face and harms you and you feel the need to defend yourself, push her away from you by jabbing her in the adams apple with your finger tips (put your hand like your making a karate chop, but put your fingertips, not the side of your hand, in her throat). Make it look like you are just trying to push her away from you, look her in the eye and "push" her away.
Hopefully that will back her off. But if not, you have to defend yourself and there are no rules. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, just make sure she knows she's been in a fight. Let her know that there are easier fish to fry.
I hope most of all that you are able to avoid this whole thing, but if not I wish you the best of luck in kicking her ass. Please ley us know how you come out!!!!
eric
I intend to live forever.....So far so good!
272/ /188 1.5 lbs. this week. I dare not say till the cast comes off
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Author: synchromom
Date: 01-17-04 11:55
janey,
i'm sorry you have to go thru this it seem to happen all to often at school. my own kids included and my self when i was in high school. please tell one of your parents. sometimes my kids dont tell me until it's been going on a while. yes if you tell the school some kids will hate you but if you dont this girl wont build the rep with the school authorities that she needs to get. your choice it depends on how brave you feel. avoiding or running away from her will just make her feel more powerfull.one bit of advice in a fight though- if you have already been attacked and want to land a blow that will stop it, hit a person in the solar plexis. that the place where the ribs come together in the center of the chest just below that spot. it knocks the wind out of a person and immobilizes them and at the same time does very little damage.
Ambition is the path to success.Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in.
Lynda
225-195-150
started 10-20-2003
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Author: Janey
Date: 01-17-04 12:16
Thank you so much everyone! This makes me feel much better. I told my mom and sort of got what I expected, my mom in her teenage years would fight for herself even with guys so she told me I should have punched her back, but I don't think she understands what this girl is capable of. She also said that if it ever happens again she'll go and get the girl herself lol. I do think that if the girl ever does this again I will fight back, because I don't want to live in fear and honestly I don't want to have to hide behind my friends and avoid her, that'll make my life hell. My mom said I should take self defence classes and beat her up next time, but we have self-defence and whatever at school and I find it not practical and don't think I would be able to use it in real life. At the same time I really don't want to fight her because I doubt I am stronger than her. I also hate pain and I'm afraid I won't want to fight her so that I don't get hurt. I think if this happens again I will be forced to fight as I don't think she'll let me leave, and if I do leave she'll think I'm really easy to push around and will do it every chance she gets. But I REALLY DON'T WANT TO FIGHT HER! I am so confused! Also, even if she does this in public in front of the people like she did last time, they won't care and will just want to see us fight. But those people are sort of my friends and I'm thinking they'll step in if she'll try to kill me, and I think all she wants is to publicly humiliate me. I think I'll talk to a counclor at school but won't say the girl's name. Next time I'll call the police. But, should I call the police if I beat her? Wouldn't I also get in trouble? Anyways you have been wonderfully helpful and I can't thank you enough.
Janey
Start Date:1/24/04
160/134.4/120-
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Author: Emily
Date: 01-17-04 17:17
You won't get into trouble if you are just defending yourself! Don't, however, beat her to a pulp. :)
Em - 244/191/150
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Author: Janey
Date: 01-18-04 17:14
Once again thank you for the advice. I am going to talk to a councelor to see what they think the best course of action would be. But my plan is, if she attacks again, I'll fight her (and hopefully beat her lol) and then call the cops. I'm also planning on taking up kickboxing, but is that the sport that is most like street/fist fighting I would encounter?
Janey
Start Date:1/24/04
160/134.4/120-
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Author: Lesleybird
Date: 01-19-04 09:00
Janey, If she comes at you again tell her that you will call the police and file assult charges. I would make sure that your parents or your counselor tell this person and her parents that assult charges will be filed if it happens again. You have wittnesses too. I hope she is too afraid to come near you after this. Lesley
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Author: feelgoodfocus
Date: 01-20-04 10:33
Hi Janey,
There are many ways you could approach this ..but to do NOTHING is not one of them. This is what bullies thrive on; secrecy and fear.
In the short term, I would let it be known to the school or a sympathetic adult/ teacher that you are having a problem with this girl. Even if you dont want them to do anything about it at present, it needs to be on record somewhere for future reference.
In the long term, I would seek out self defence classes. For one, it sounds as though you need to distinguish between being assertive and aggressive. Knowing how to handle yourself when YOUR boundaries have been crossed Iie. when someone is doing to you what you wouldnt dream of doing to others) is a very positive step forward.
Initially, you will feel more in control of the situation by simply addressing it. You can also confide in those at the club or your instructor who will no doubt have encountered this situation a few times and should be able to give you advice and support. Also, if she (or anyone else in the future) think they want to have a go, your response will be a controlled one ..and well, thats so cool ! There will be no losing face in front of your mates..no sirree Bob.
Cover all bases and leave no hiding place for those who feel like messing with you in the future.
Hope this helps
Feelgoodfocus
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