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Author: SheilaH 301/265/???
Date: 08-06-03 17:05
My daughter just informed me that she going back to that s.o.b. that she calls a husband. It was just two weeks ago that he tried to kill her, but he's sorry and it won't happen again...that's what he said the other times he beat her...I have done everything I can think of to help her...I am so afraid for her and the baby...what can I do? The bastard was arrested and spent 6 years in prison for kidnapping his girlfriends 6 year daughter with the intent to rape her and then to kill her as a scrafice to the devil...He was sent to a mental institute will in prison...he gets out and meets my daughter and fools her so completely that he is just a mixed up guy that wants to get help and to change...so far he has missed every appointment he has made...he stopped taking the medicine he was given at the mental hospital the first time...I'm at the end of my rope...I don't know what to do...
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Author: jenn
Date: 08-06-03 17:31
oh my gosh... what do the police say??
as someone who has been in an abusive relationship... it is hard... and the person IN the relationship has to have something happen for them to want to leave it... for me... it was my boyfriend kicking me down a flight of stairs and kicking me in the stomach while i was 2 months pregnant... and murdering my unborn baby.... and then locking me in a closet for 3 days with no food or water.... to make me leave...
maybe if you could find someone close to you who has been in a similar experiance... maybe someone who lost their child... to death or cps.... to talk to her... it might help....
but then again.... i know it is hard to accecpt... ultimately she has to decide to leave...
i will pray for you and her... now and as long as you need it!
HUGGGZZZZZ
jenn
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Author: Eric 272/249/188
Date: 08-06-03 17:46
Oh Sheila,
I feel so badly for you. There is really nothing that can be done unless your daughter changes her view. Even if your husband beats him, it won't change a thing.
I've been in that position, coming to a young ladies rescue. I did it once, then she called me a second time (same beating different guy). The third time she called I wanted to beat her up myself. She finally figured it out for herself, and has a good life without a man in it. But let your husband know that it doesn't do any good to beat the crap out of an abuser (although it would certainly make him feel better).
Let's just pray that she has her eyes opened in a safe way.
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Author: Tonya 154/142/135
Date: 08-06-03 19:09
My mother was in an abusive relationship. He always felt sorry afterwards. She was lucky, her family interviened and took charge to get her out of the situation. She didn't go willingly, but she did eventually get out. He had beaten his first wife too; this should have been a sign.
Your family needs to unite and insist that she not return to his home. If she feels the need to try and help him she should do so from a point of relative safety. Her safety and that of her child should come before him. There must be some way to rationalize with her and let her see how paniced the family is. Maybe that will help her to see reason.
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Author: SheilaH 301/265/???
Date: 08-06-03 20:32
Even her friends are trying to get her to divorce him...one has been in a similar relationship and so had her mother. She won't listen to any of them. I hope it doesn't take a serious injury to her or the baby before she comes to her senses. That baby is so precious. He almost didn't make it into this world alive. He was born 16 weeks early and weighed just 1 lb and 4.5 oz. His first few months of life were so difficult and he doesn't deserve what he is going though now. Every since the night his daddy beat his mama. He crys if he just thinks she may go out of the room. He is 20 months old now and I know he is aware of whats going on. He might not understand it exactly but he knows it's bad. Just today he seemed to be relaxing some and not crying as much when she went outside. And now she goes back to that f$!#!ing piece of $%*t.
I pray daily that she wakes up soon...before it's too late.
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Author: Becky
Date: 08-06-03 21:04
I'm so sorry for you Shelia.Big Hugs going your family's way!
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Author: Anne S.185/158/125
Date: 08-07-03 05:16
My older sister works at a battered-wife shelter and say s it's amazing how many women end up going back to where they came from. The only thing she can figure is that we women are natural nurturers and it takes a long time for us to give up on someone we love. We're loyal. That's a tribute in some cases, but in this case I'll be praying for her that clarity will come to her mind and that she'll know exactly what to do and will DO IT. For her sake and for her child.
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Author: MNMichelle
Date: 08-07-03 06:04
Can you at leasy convince her not to take the baby with her? If you can let her see your concern, both for her and the baby and that it is so serious you don't want a child who can't make the decision himself, like she can, be stuck back in that situation, perhaps she will think about and come to see the truth?
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Author: Mary 240 ~ 240 ~ 150
Date: 08-07-03 06:19
Sheila,
I agree with Michelle. I (like many others here) have been in an abusive relationship, and no matter what anyone told me, I had to come to my own conclusion that he was wrong for me. Terrible though it is, it is ultimately her choice. (Of course that doesn't mean she shouldn't be surrounded by people trying to point out her mistake)
However, I'm sure some people won't agree with me and I know this is an overly harsh statement, but it's the truth... If your daughter won't think about her child's welfare, I think that you should. If she won't leave the baby with you, you might think about looking into help in obtaining a guardianship of the child until she comes to her senses. Believe me when I say that I know how messy that can get, but a very good friend of mine works in child protective services, and she comes home with stories that would make your blood run cold, and 9 times of of 10 they involve a good mother who couldn't see through her bad husband. One such husband broke 2 ribs and the leg of a 3 month old baby. My friend is working with the mother now, and she is a good mother and cares deeply about her babies, but she didn't realize the risk she was putting them in when she went to the store and left them with their dad. There are a few avenues open to you if you decide that's the path you want to take. Like Michelle said, the choice to be with this loser is not one you can take from your daughter (unfortunately) but that baby doesn't get to have a choice. Hugs to you, and I hope your daughter figures things out soon!
~Mary
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Author: Jennifer 242/225/175?
Date: 08-07-03 06:51
Sheila,
I don't know what you can do but here is a suggestion. Talk to a social worker/child protection agency or your daughter about leaving the baby with you. See if you can get the baby out of the situation. Your daughter may get the picture and leave him to keep her baby or she may get made at you and not want to speak to you. You could get custody of the baby. I know that is probably what you don't want but knowing what you know you HAVE to protect that baby. He can't make the decisions for himself so someone has to look out for him and it seems you daughter is incapable of doing what is in his best interest and is only thinking about her own feelings right now. Do something before you can't and then you will have to live with that for the rest of your life.
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Author: Fabulous@50 225/214/150
Date: 08-07-03 20:35
My prayers going up for you and the baby in hope that the husband may change for the better; or your daughter may see the light and find a way out of this situation for her sake and the sake of her child.
Is there a possibility that she will be open to some sort of counseling from the Women's Shelter to get tips on how to handle a dangerous situation and the location/phone contact of a safe house in the event of future problems? Maybe she can talk with some residents of the shelter with whom she can relate?
Regardless--we're here to listen and reach out.
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